finding joy when we are unhappy

Everyone has certain expectations for themselves. No matter who we are, we have dreams, goals, and milestones we want to achieve within our lifetime. However, there is one big, real, and painful lesson I believe we learn many times throughout our life. That is, not everything will go our way. 

This lesson is a theme in life. We witness it personally as do our family and friends. When our hopes, dreams, and expectations do not work out the way we want, it can cause a huge blow to self-esteem and self-worth. Especially since we are flooded with images of others succeeding on social media. 
Growing up, we were taught many things: How to work hard toward our goals, how reaching these goals will make us happy. What happens when we face the part of life where we haven't reached our goals or we find ourselves in an unexpected situation? How can we find joy in these moments of life?
 
I believe there is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is an external and temporary feeling. It is a reaction to what happens to us during the day-to-day. Joy is more internal. It is that feeling of security and contentment no matter what is happening outside your body. It is influenced by consistent gratitude, the practice of positivity, and peace with your situation. 

Joy is not easy to achieve. It is natural to feel sad and hopeless when you aren’t experiencing happiness. We have all been there. I have a client who is experiencing this right now. Her life has changed unexpectedly. At the moment, she is not living where she wants and isn’t doing what she hoped at this time in her career. We spoke about this one day and she mentioned that it is in fact, very hard for her to live in an environment she didn’t choose to be in. She wasn’t feeling happy. 

Instead of trying to be positive about her situation, she felt herself sinking into her sadness and coping in a negative way. She was taking the easy way out. She was letting the unhappiness consume her. 

Have you ever felt this happen to you? It is so easy to be persuaded by unhappiness. I believe this is because we think in “all or nothing terms”. If we don’t achieve what we want, we believe our lives are a failure. Luckily, our situations aren’t as black and white as we assume. 

My client has gone through this type of disappointment before. Luckily, she has found a great way to combat it and practice developing her inner joy. She has given me permission to share her personal practices so others can strive toward inner joy as well! 

Practices to find Joy when you are unhappy: 

1. Be at peace with your situation: This is probably the most important and hardest practice. As humans, we are naturally competitive with ourselves. We have high expectations for our lives! When we aren’t where we want to be, it seems as if we are failures. But the thing we actually fail to remember is that we are exactly where we need to be in our journey. I know it can be hard to accept, but when you look back to the past doesn’t this make sense? Everything you have gone through has led you to this point in your life. The disappointments, achievements, and times of uncertainty have made you the strongest you have ever been. This moment will only lead you to greater moments, especially if you remain positive. 
2. Remind yourself what you think you may need isn’t what you actually need: I know we have this grand plan for ourselves, but if you think about it, we are only human. We have no idea what we are supposed to achieve in our life. For example, my client thought she wanted this specific plan for herself. When she experienced disappointment the first time, it eventually led her to a new passion to pursue a completely different career. She expressed that she is very thankful she went through that experience because it opened up doors to something even better. 
3. Take little steps to get to where you want to be: Write it down! Where do you eventually want to be? How can you get there? What small things can you do every day to get yourself closer to your goal?
4. Stop comparing: though we can’t see it, everyone has some sort of issue they are trying to work out. So when you find yourself comparing to that one person who you think has “everything”... stop! They have their own battles to fight. Focus on you and what you are doing right. 
5. Practice gratitude: I have mentioned practicing gratitude in my past blogs. It is so important! Keep a journal by your bed and write one to three things you are grateful for every day. Meditation helps as well! 
6. Cling to the people who have always been there for you: It is so important to surround ourselves with people who love and care for us. The people who really know us can be there when we feel in a rut! 

Finally, a huge cornerstone of joy for me is my faith. Having faith in God brings me joy. I cling to it especially when things in life aren’t making sense. Having the peace of knowing there is an omnipresent God that surpasses me in knowledge and control gives me confidence that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Finding joy in life is a constant journey. It takes practice, confidence, and most of all faith to eventually realize that everything will turn out how it is supposed to be in your life.   
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Are there any practices you take to practice joy that I haven’t mentioned? Leave me a message and I would love to continue the conversation of Joy!