Noticing and Adressing Anxiety in our Children

Mental health issues are much more openly discussed and accepted in our society than when I was growing up. I remember the word “therapist” was considered taboo. If anyone wasn’t feeling “textbook happy,” then there was something wrong with you. ​

Now, I’ve realized the younger generation is shameless when it comes to speaking on mental health. It is amazing seeing younger people accept one another and openly talk about what is going on inside their heads. 
 
However, when it comes to anxiety, it will always be confusing for kids to figure out what these feelings are when they first pop up in childhood. Anxiety can make them feel scared, weird, and even as if they are losing control. It can also be tough for parents to accept that their children are experiencing this confusing form of pain. We as parents may not know how to tackle the issue mainly because we didn’t grow up speaking freely about anxiety. It is extremely important for us to comfort our children, no matter what they are going through. Helping them with their anxiety is the first step to helping our kids be more confident about themselves and realize that what they are feeling is normal.
 
Here are a couple of helpful steps to begin to take action in addressing your child’s anxiety. 
 
1.     Encourage! Encourage your kids to open up about the feelings they are experiencing. Even though their thoughts may be embarrassing or scary, it is important to let them know it is safe to talk about these feelings with you.  
2.     Teach! Teach your child what anxiety really is. Anxiety has been a large part of the human brain since the beginning of time. It used to be a lot more helpful as it helped us escape from dinosaurs and volcanos. These days, anxiety is mostly a nuisance. However, the feeling is completely normal--especially during this summer’s limits because of coronavirus resulting in not much going on for our children. The mind constantly searches for things that are going “wrong” and tries to solve those problems--hence the anxiety. The emotions and physical feelings that come from anxiety can be scary and uncomfortable. These sensations are called “fight, flight, or freeze.” Ask your child which of these three emotions they tend to feel when they notice the anxiety bubble to the surface. 
3.    Model calmness: If you react with concern and allow your own anxieties to be manifested about what your child is telling you, then they will feel less inclined to talk about it when it comes up again. Make sure you are calm and understanding when they are speaking to you! 
4.    Practice:  Practice techniques of combatting anxiety with your child. It is really important to address your child’s anxiety at the beginning so they know how to deal with it later in life. Also, they can have these easy techniques as a new, healthy routine in their lifestyle for years to come: 

• Deep breathing: When you are anxious, your breathing usually becomes rapid and shallow. Taking the time to stop yourself and focus on slow and deep breaths calms the nervous system, therefore calming your once nervous state. Doing this for just one minute during a bout of anxiety can reduce physical effects almost immediately.
• What are the facts? Irrational and intrusive thoughts are bound to be causing anxiety in your child. Irrational thoughts are, as you guessed it, thoughts that aren’t rational. If you are interested in learning more about specific irrational thoughts, read this article written by an expert
  

​here:

PsychCentral Article

Intrusive thoughts are a type of extreme irrational thought. They are the thoughts that everyone gets at some point that obsess over “what might happen to you or a loved one, what mistake you might make, or what impulsive act you may commit.”

Psychology Today Article

Usually, individuals can address these thoughts as silly or unrealistic and go about their day. However, people with anxiety have a tendency for these intrusive thoughts to stick. This is called unwanted intrusive thoughts. A great exercise to help children know that these thoughts do not define them is to express to them that their thoughts are not facts. Go through each thought with your child. Then go through all the facts about their lives. Usually, your child will see that their intrusive/irrational thoughts do not define how they act every day, and they never will. 

• Visualization Techniques: When irrational/intrusive thoughts are present, they usually feel as if they are crowding our vision and thoughts. It seems as if the thoughts are right in front of our faces. A great technique to lessen unwelcome thoughts is to imagine your thoughts on a piece of paper in front of you. You can do what you wish with your visual paper: crumple it up and throw it away, or push the paper far enough away until you can barely see the thoughts anymore. Another technique is to visualize your thoughts on a lily pad floating on a river. Visualize the thoughts flowing in front of you, and then gently flowing on. Both of these techniques teach us that these thoughts aren’t permanent and are not attached to us. 

 
I am not an expert in psychology. These are all techniques I use that personally benefit me and my family. If you can’t seem to find a solution for your child, I recommend seeking a mental health professional.

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